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February 10, 2004Brenton, Callaway -- this one's for you. How bout that "St. Bernard's" haha.-- At the beginning of the first hour of our four years at St. Bernard’s Catholic High School, a mass of red polyester stumbled into room 127 and began arranging glassware on a gray counter. During the unloading of Erlenmeyer flasks and beakers, we became aware of a flop of orange curls that framed a face highlighted by poorly applied makeup. It reminded us of girls who began experimenting with dark lipsticks and uncooperative eyeliner at age 9. Mrs. Barberich leaned into a black lab table and reached for a Petri dish on the top shelf, not noticing her red miniskirt ride up her bulging sides, allowing the slit in the back to reveal a wide, white slip with a lacy, floral trim. We were embarrassed enough to withhold comments. We learned quickly that she had it in for kids who violated the most insignificant of rules: a button left unbuttoned, a skirt one-third of an inch too short, a piece of purple Bubble-Yum that didn’t make it into the trash can outside of class. For some reason, it was the ones generally regarded as nice and very much well-meaning who received the bulk of her vengeful attention. Most of them were timid to the point of being defenseless and often adopted a code of silence after their first encounter with the larger of the two biology teachers at St. Bernard’s. The biggest mystery surrounding the existence of Mrs. Barberich was her life beyond the doors of St. Bernard’s. Where did this strange woman disappear to in the late afternoons? Did she go home to an equally large husband? Did she regularly attend special exhibits at the National Gallery of Art? Was she a lonely dominatrix? A working mom who made lasagna every Thursday? We didn’t know. The only thing we were sure of was that this slightly less militaristic version of the Trunchbull walked out of St. Bernard’s every day under the illusion that she mattered, that she used her few powers for good, and that there was at least one biology student grateful for her daily instruction in the proper use of pipettes. -- |
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